My life jar

if you don't make time for the big things, the little things will eat it all up.

It's been three weeks since I last needed to show up for work. And in my new found time, all I have to show for it is a fixed basin and a partial visa application.
My time is flying by, and I have no idea where it's going. I mean, a fixed basin??

The plan was:

• April - end of work

• May - free time

• June - off to Canada 🇨🇦

Free time is exciting, so much potential… rest, fix things around the house, finish off old coding projects, write, read.
Then poof… it's weeks later and I haven’t done much at all.
Rather perturbing, like, I should either be productive or rest — not let it slide by!

There is a metaphor about rocks, pebbles, sand and a jar. It’s a classic, so I hope you don’t mind the retelling of it.

1. If you first fill the jar with sand, you will find that not much else fits in there.
   

2. However, if you fill in the rocks and pebbles first, the things that matter to you, most of the sand will still find its way into the gaps. #winning

The jar is the time we have, the big rocks are big goals, the pebbles are our routines and the sand is the filler activities we all do.

I didn’t block time out for any of my larger rocks, and with time marching on, the days filled up with sand.

But in this time, there were some pleasant surprises.

Like the moments I went outside to play with my dogs. The sun on my face, and absolutely no thoughts… unadulterated thoughtlessness.
I can’t figure out why I haven’t played more in the past, not as a chore to keep them healthy, but simply to learn more of their little behaviours.

And then, there have been some not-so-pleasant reminders.

The mood swings were larger. Without my old routines, the big challenges in my life had nothing to hide behind. They stare back at me, waiting for me to make my move. I hold them back, “this is my holiday, I’ll deal with you soon enough”. But they loom none-the-less.

Staring into a smokey fire, I can let me mind drift and plan a whole new life for myself. I’ve never had so much freedom before. But instead of feeling exhilarated, I feel a little dread. That I will travel the whole world, and still find the same anxieties waiting on the other side.
I was reading The War of Art this morning, and this quote rang out at me:

“... those who will not govern themselves are condemned to find masters to govern over them.”

― Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

Which is a heavy quote, even if one is starting into a smokey fire.

My comfort is in knowing what my large rocks, pebbles and sand are. That I want to self govern and blessed to be in a position to make these changes.
Let me see what to add to the jar next…

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Movie of the week: Stranger than Fiction (2006)